‘Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce’.
We all have ups and downs in our lives, whatever our circumstances. Adversity comes in all forms: health issues, relationship problems, financial worries, bereavement etc. To maintain a healthy attitude towards these problems we need resilience. Psychologists are realising that an ability to bounce back from setbacks is one of the keys to leading a satisfied life.
We’re not born with or without resilience. It’s something we can learn and develop. The core behaviours are emotional control and openness to new experiences.
Emotional control is something we should all work on! Having a tantrum or a road rage episode is never a solution. When confronted with situations where you feel your anger rising, take a breath and think clearly about what will happen if you lose your temper. In public it will be embarrassing and there’s a chance you might be physically assaulted; in private you’re liable to say or do things you’ll later regret. Ultimately you’ll only be making yourself unnecessarily stressed and upset. Try to react to negative situations with good grace, courage, humour and optimism. You’ll feel a lot better for it.
Talk to friends or family about how you’re feeling. The act of putting your emotions into words and describing the situation will help you keep calm and give you more clarity. Keeping a sense of humour is also an enormous help and alleviates anger and tension.
Focus on the positive and see things in perspective. For example, having your car stolen is not a life and death event. You will get through it and move on.
Being open to new experiences helps you work out solutions to problems. Think around the problem from different angles and be open to any possibilities. You may have to move out of your comfort zone, but you’ll learn from your difficulties. Often we close ourselves off from escape routes because we’re too frightened to try something different. It’s people who are willing to take new directions or think ‘out of the box’ who tend to bounce back from life’s setbacks.
Remember that the way we feel about life and ourselves is not so much because of what happens to us, as because of the way we respond. Resolve to be more resilient and transform hardship into challenge or failure into success. Don’t be a victim, be a survivor!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
YELLOW
YELLOW
‘I really just want to be warm yellow light that pours over everyone I love.’ (Conor Oberst)
Yellow is associated with the intellect, personal power and self-esteem. The warmer the yellow tone the more positive it is. It helps us form our opinions and make the right decisions, therefore helping us achieve our goals and ambitions. Yellow helps our self-esteem to grow and flourish and stimulates us into taking risks.
If you’re drawn to yellow you probably need to trust your instincts and intuition more. If you dislike the colour it is probable that you’ve suffered disappointments or a loss of personal power.
Too much yellow in your life is liable to make you a workaholic, a perfectionist and judgmental. Not having enough leaves you insecure, depressed and weighed down by low self-esteem. A good balance of yellow will make you intelligent, confident, charismatic and expressive.
Yellow is a great colour to help relieve depression and loneliness, and to increase optimism. It helps expand your horizons, bringing excitement and fun into your life. It stimulates the brain, making you feel clear-headed and alert, therefore helping you have good organisational skills, a good memory and the ability to see different points of view clearly.
Surround yourself with or wear yellow if you’re feeling fearful, or expecting a confrontation. Use it to benefit your intellect and to build your confidence. Yellow is the colour that reminds you that you should first love yourself before loving others.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
GREEN
‘Mine be the breezy hill that skirts the down, Where a green grassy turf is all I crave’. (James Beattie)
The colour green has always been associated with regeneration and calmness. It’s the colour of love, compassion, kindness and tolerance. With a good balance of green in our lives we’re more able to be friendly, in touch with our feelings and positive with other people. We feel loved and open to be loved, secure, contented and relaxed. We are able to trust and take risks.
An excess of green can make you demanding, oversensitive and vulnerable. Too little makes you indecisive, frightened of rejection, unforgiving and sorry for yourself. A dislike of green usually means you are lonely or have suffered rejection or an emotional trauma. Try to reintroduce it around you until you’ve learned to like it.
Bring green into your life by consciously looking at the trees and plants around you. Try walking in places where you’re surrounded by nature and absorb all the different hues of green in the scenery. You need a combination of light and dark greens to get the right balance. Too much dark green can create sadness and too much lime or light green can create emotions of resentment and possessiveness.
Green is the colour associated with our hearts and is central to our well-being. It’s therefore particularly important to make sure you have a good balance of green in your life.
The colour green has always been associated with regeneration and calmness. It’s the colour of love, compassion, kindness and tolerance. With a good balance of green in our lives we’re more able to be friendly, in touch with our feelings and positive with other people. We feel loved and open to be loved, secure, contented and relaxed. We are able to trust and take risks.
An excess of green can make you demanding, oversensitive and vulnerable. Too little makes you indecisive, frightened of rejection, unforgiving and sorry for yourself. A dislike of green usually means you are lonely or have suffered rejection or an emotional trauma. Try to reintroduce it around you until you’ve learned to like it.
Bring green into your life by consciously looking at the trees and plants around you. Try walking in places where you’re surrounded by nature and absorb all the different hues of green in the scenery. You need a combination of light and dark greens to get the right balance. Too much dark green can create sadness and too much lime or light green can create emotions of resentment and possessiveness.
Green is the colour associated with our hearts and is central to our well-being. It’s therefore particularly important to make sure you have a good balance of green in your life.
COLOUR YOUR MOOD
Colour is so much a part of our lives that most of us take it for granted. Have you noticed how often colours are used in language? Examples: in the pink, feeling blue, blacken his name, a yellow streak, green with envy. Colour surrounds us and has an enormous subconscious impact on us. Some colours make us feel calm and relaxed, others make us happy or sad, or energised and stimulated.
Think back to some of your favourite colours. I expect you’ll find they were the ones you needed at that particular time of your life. Often the colours we choose to wear on certain days reflect our mood. By consciously surrounding yourself with the right colours you can add a sense of balance to your life. Why don’t you try an experiment? Try using the colours you need in your clothing, around your home and in the garden, or in a vase of flowers. Personally I have a collection of bright coloured glass which I move around my home, depending on my mood.
Every week I’m going to post a short piece on each colour and how it affects us. I hope you’ll enjoy experimenting on a day to day basis and find out what a mood enhancer it can be. Let me know any interesting findings!
Think back to some of your favourite colours. I expect you’ll find they were the ones you needed at that particular time of your life. Often the colours we choose to wear on certain days reflect our mood. By consciously surrounding yourself with the right colours you can add a sense of balance to your life. Why don’t you try an experiment? Try using the colours you need in your clothing, around your home and in the garden, or in a vase of flowers. Personally I have a collection of bright coloured glass which I move around my home, depending on my mood.
Every week I’m going to post a short piece on each colour and how it affects us. I hope you’ll enjoy experimenting on a day to day basis and find out what a mood enhancer it can be. Let me know any interesting findings!
Saturday, May 5, 2007
FRIEND OR FOE?
Are your friends good for you? Sometimes we end up having relationships with people who subtly sabotage us. They’re usually well-intentioned but they have their own issues and it can have a negative effect on your life. Here are some of the friends who may be foes in disguise:
Dream suffocators
These people believe they’re protecting you from disappointment. They attempt to dissuade you from trying to fulfil your dreams. Don’t tell them too much about what you dream about doing or achieving.
Negative Moaners
These complainers constantly bring you down because they always list their woes and negative thoughts, wanting you to join in and agree. Don’t join in. Consciously aim to be positive when you’re with them.
Puppeteers
A lot of people want to live their lives through others. They manipulate you into doing what they believe is the right thing. The best way to deal with them is not to ask for their advice.
Competitors
These people have their own fears and feel threatened by your confidence and talents. They try to undermine you while seeming to be helpful and concerned. It’s best to avoid this type if you can and at least try not to confide in them.
Living in the past
Some people constantly remind you of your past mistakes. They don’t seem to realise that you’ve changed and moved forward. They’re scared you’ll leave them behind, so they try to hold you back. If possible help them move forward with you.
Occasionally you need to leave really bad relationships behind you if they’re undermining you. In most cases though, it’s a question of being careful about what you share with whom. Remember that they have their own opinions which aren’t necessarily right for you. If possible surround yourself with as many positive, upbeat friends as you can.
Dream suffocators
These people believe they’re protecting you from disappointment. They attempt to dissuade you from trying to fulfil your dreams. Don’t tell them too much about what you dream about doing or achieving.
Negative Moaners
These complainers constantly bring you down because they always list their woes and negative thoughts, wanting you to join in and agree. Don’t join in. Consciously aim to be positive when you’re with them.
Puppeteers
A lot of people want to live their lives through others. They manipulate you into doing what they believe is the right thing. The best way to deal with them is not to ask for their advice.
Competitors
These people have their own fears and feel threatened by your confidence and talents. They try to undermine you while seeming to be helpful and concerned. It’s best to avoid this type if you can and at least try not to confide in them.
Living in the past
Some people constantly remind you of your past mistakes. They don’t seem to realise that you’ve changed and moved forward. They’re scared you’ll leave them behind, so they try to hold you back. If possible help them move forward with you.
Occasionally you need to leave really bad relationships behind you if they’re undermining you. In most cases though, it’s a question of being careful about what you share with whom. Remember that they have their own opinions which aren’t necessarily right for you. If possible surround yourself with as many positive, upbeat friends as you can.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
RULES TO A HAPPY LIFE
Rule One - You will receive a body, which you might love or hate but it's yours for life, so learn to love and accept it. The important thing is what’s inside.
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience giving each of us individually, opportunities to learn more every day. Learning those lessons helps you understand the meaning and relevance of your own life.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a journey of experimentation, trial and error. Sometimes things won’t go according to plan or turn out how you want. Compassion and forgiveness allow you to deal with harsh treatment and help erase leftover emotions. Learning to behave fairly to all, with integrity and humour and learning to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps will all help you see that ‘mistakes' are simply lessons we have to learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Problems, challenges, irritations and frustrations are also lessons, which will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change will help you deal with these setbacks. Accept that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance but things happen to you because of the sort of person you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is escape and denial. Only you are responsible for you and what happens to you. You need to be patient because change doesn't happen quickly. Give it time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. There are lessons to be learned all through your life. It’s the rhythm of life and there’s no point in struggling against it. Decide that you will learn and change constantly. Acknowledge your weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt to change. This will give you access to the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The grass is not necessarily greener and being somewhere else is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are. Appreciate all the good things in your life, rather than pay too much attention to things that will not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present will help you feel happier.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. Whatever you love or hate about another person is what you love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant, accept others as they are, and try to be self-aware. Try to truly understand and have an objective perception of your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to learn more about yourself and your emotions. Support others, because in that way you support yourself. If you feel unable to support others it shows that you are not looking after your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need and what you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry because bad thoughts and memories will only clutter your mind. Be strong and use your courage and adventurous spirit to do what you know is right for you.
Rule Nine - The answers lie inside you. Trust your instincts and intuition. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust yourself. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are born with these capabilities, but our early experiences lead us away from our spiritual selves. We grow doubtful, cynical and lack belief and confidence. The ten Rules are universal truths that apply to us all. Aspire to be wise. Wisdom knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
(Based on the 10 Rules of life by Cherie Carter-Scott)
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience giving each of us individually, opportunities to learn more every day. Learning those lessons helps you understand the meaning and relevance of your own life.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a journey of experimentation, trial and error. Sometimes things won’t go according to plan or turn out how you want. Compassion and forgiveness allow you to deal with harsh treatment and help erase leftover emotions. Learning to behave fairly to all, with integrity and humour and learning to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps will all help you see that ‘mistakes' are simply lessons we have to learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Problems, challenges, irritations and frustrations are also lessons, which will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change will help you deal with these setbacks. Accept that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance but things happen to you because of the sort of person you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is escape and denial. Only you are responsible for you and what happens to you. You need to be patient because change doesn't happen quickly. Give it time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. There are lessons to be learned all through your life. It’s the rhythm of life and there’s no point in struggling against it. Decide that you will learn and change constantly. Acknowledge your weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt to change. This will give you access to the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The grass is not necessarily greener and being somewhere else is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are. Appreciate all the good things in your life, rather than pay too much attention to things that will not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present will help you feel happier.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. Whatever you love or hate about another person is what you love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant, accept others as they are, and try to be self-aware. Try to truly understand and have an objective perception of your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to learn more about yourself and your emotions. Support others, because in that way you support yourself. If you feel unable to support others it shows that you are not looking after your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need and what you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry because bad thoughts and memories will only clutter your mind. Be strong and use your courage and adventurous spirit to do what you know is right for you.
Rule Nine - The answers lie inside you. Trust your instincts and intuition. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust yourself. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are born with these capabilities, but our early experiences lead us away from our spiritual selves. We grow doubtful, cynical and lack belief and confidence. The ten Rules are universal truths that apply to us all. Aspire to be wise. Wisdom knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
(Based on the 10 Rules of life by Cherie Carter-Scott)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT
I talked about luck and being lucky in a previous post. Now I want to ask everyone about the Law of Attraction, which is what luck is all about. The Law of Attraction says that we all guide ourselves by the same universal laws. Basically this means that everything that happens in your life is attracted by your thoughts and energy.
Answer these questions:
1. Are you in a happy relationship?
2. Do you have close friends?
3. How are your finances?
4. Do you get on well with your family?
5. Do you enjoy your work?
6. Do you like your body?
7. Do you feel fit and healthy?
8. Do you have a spiritual belief?
Okay. Think over the answers that immediately came into your mind. Those are the thoughts that govern what you're attracting to your life. If they're not happy positive thoughts then you need to make some changes in the way you're thinking. Even if you're sceptical about this isn't it worth a try?
Consciously change your thoughts for a while and see if it makes a difference. First, try not to dwell on the negative aspects of your life. Instead concentrate on the positive. See the good in everything. For example: mistakes are learning experiences. Summarise all the good things in your life. Write them down if it helps. Then take a look at them. How can you use them to plan a more positive future? Start to direct your thoughts towards the things that make you happy.
Look at yourself objectively and write down all your good qualities, the qualities other people admire about you, your achievements (big or small) and the things that make you feel passionate. Take a look at what you've written. This is your essential nature. Remind yourself of this several times a day.
Imagine how you want your life to be. Envisage it in detail and think about it for a few minutes every day. Stick up pictures of the things that epitomise the lifestyle you want, the partner you want or the job you want. Make some plans to achieve those things, even if they're small goals, such as using your time more efficiently.
See what happens in your life if you do this for a few months. You'll be amazed at how all sorts of things come into your life to help you achieve what you want. Try it and see and let me know how you get on!
Answer these questions:
1. Are you in a happy relationship?
2. Do you have close friends?
3. How are your finances?
4. Do you get on well with your family?
5. Do you enjoy your work?
6. Do you like your body?
7. Do you feel fit and healthy?
8. Do you have a spiritual belief?
Okay. Think over the answers that immediately came into your mind. Those are the thoughts that govern what you're attracting to your life. If they're not happy positive thoughts then you need to make some changes in the way you're thinking. Even if you're sceptical about this isn't it worth a try?
Consciously change your thoughts for a while and see if it makes a difference. First, try not to dwell on the negative aspects of your life. Instead concentrate on the positive. See the good in everything. For example: mistakes are learning experiences. Summarise all the good things in your life. Write them down if it helps. Then take a look at them. How can you use them to plan a more positive future? Start to direct your thoughts towards the things that make you happy.
Look at yourself objectively and write down all your good qualities, the qualities other people admire about you, your achievements (big or small) and the things that make you feel passionate. Take a look at what you've written. This is your essential nature. Remind yourself of this several times a day.
Imagine how you want your life to be. Envisage it in detail and think about it for a few minutes every day. Stick up pictures of the things that epitomise the lifestyle you want, the partner you want or the job you want. Make some plans to achieve those things, even if they're small goals, such as using your time more efficiently.
See what happens in your life if you do this for a few months. You'll be amazed at how all sorts of things come into your life to help you achieve what you want. Try it and see and let me know how you get on!
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