HIGHLY SENSITIVE?

‘Do not confuse peace of mind with insensitivity. A truly peaceful mind is very sensitive, very aware.’
(14th Dalai Lama: Tenzin Gvatso)


Were you labelled ‘shy’ or ‘sensitive’ as a child? Do you find you need time on your own? Are social occasions a trial for you?

Research in the last ten years has shown that 15% to 20% of people are ‘highly sensitive’. A lot of people are hugely relieved when they find out that they’re not really weird or misfits, but that they have a more developed sensory system than most people. In babies this often shows up as colic, in toddlers as nervousness or insecurity. In older children it’s sometimes described as shyness or being a bookworm or a loner. Adults may be introverted. Some people manage to hide their sensitivity and can be socially extrovert, but they will need time and space alone to recover from social interactions.

Being highly sensitive is usually inherited. These people are often affected by other people’s moods. They tend to be conscientious and meticulous and overwhelmed by chaos and clutter. They are ill at ease with loud noise, bright lights, crowds and lack of routine. They need plenty of time alone to regain their equilibrium and plenty of sleep to recharge their energy. They are frequently creative, spiritual and intuitive.

Often these people feel they ‘don’t belong’ because they don’t fit the outgoing ideals of modern society. They grow up thinking there’s something wrong with them because outwardly everybody else appears to cope more easily with daily life.

If you’re highly sensitive you need to acknowledge it and begin to develop boundaries for safety and comfort. Learn to accept who you are. If you prefer long walks alone rather than going to the gym, then do what makes you happiest. If you find big crowds overwhelming and tiring, then avoid them as much as you can. You don’t have to be a social butterfly; you might have a few good close friends and enjoy doing simple things with them. You don’t have to be team oriented. If you work better alone accept it and try to put yourself in that sort of environment. You don’t have to keep everybody else happy by doing things that don’t suit you. Explain how you feel and say ‘no’ if necessary.

Remember, we can’t all be strong, tough extroverts. Historically highly sensitive people were the advisors and mentors for kings and warriors. There has to be a balance of both types in the world. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re highly sensitive. If you’re unhappy about it, it’s probably because you’ve been trying all this time to be like other people. Don’t. Just be you and go with the flow of what makes you feel comfortable.

(If you want to know more about this subject read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron).