Your home should be somewhere you want to be and not somewhere you want to avoid. Your living space is your retreat from the busy world. A place where you can relax, think and feel comfortable. Sometimes, because of circumstances, we’re forced to live somewhere that’s not ideal. It may be noisy, cramped, shared or dilapidated, but even in that situation it’s possible to make improvements and changes that will help you feel happier.
If you have clutter then you probably have more than you need. Most of us collect far too much stuff around us and eventually it begins to weigh us down and trap us. Getting rid of the clutter gives you a wonderful sense of freedom. Do you hoard? Do you possess too many things? If so, it’s time to declutter and reorganise.
It’s not the major task it may sound. Set aside a small amount of time once a week to focus on clearing out a room or an area in your home. Do it at your own pace. Anything you haven’t used, haven’t worn, don’t like or is broken should go.
Divide all the above into three piles: to be thrown out, to be recycled and ‘not sure’. Ask yourself ‘Do I need this?’ and ‘Does it make me happy?’ There are millions of people who can make use of the things you don’t want or need. Donate them to a charity or give them to someone you know who needs them. When you know your old belongings will benefit someone else it becomes easier to part with them.
Once you’ve thrown out and given away, go through your ‘not sure’ pile. If you really can’t bring yourself to part with something, pack it away in a box. If, after six months or so you haven’t missed it or used it, you don’t need it.
Clear up your paperwork. Buy a filing cabinet/box (or make one out of a cardboard box if necessary) and file away everything you can. Clear out cupboards and reorganise them to suit your needs and daily habits. Remember, there’s no point in keeping anything ‘just in case’. You’re just using it like a security blanket and you don’t need it. Clear it out.
Feng shui, the Chinese philosophy of arranging your surroundings to best advantage, is largely based on how our living and working environments consciously and subconsciously impact on our minds. There’s nothing weird and wonderful about it. Most of it is common sense. For example, a photograph of someone you love will give you comforting positive feelings, while something else may rake up hurtful or sad memories. Don’t keep anything in your living space that gives you negative feelings. If you have to keep it for any reason, then store it away, out of sight.
Other feng shui recommendations involve keeping your home well-maintained. A bundle of wires under your computer will conjure up a subconscious image of worms or snakes and might also be dangerous. Find a way to hide them or box them in. A damp patch on the wall reminds us of rot and mould, so seal it and paint over it. Often we put off these tasks, not realising how they affect our subconscious on an everyday basis.
Once you’ve decluttered and done a bit of fixing and mending it’s time to start on the decor. There’s no right or wrong way to decorate. It depends entirely on the individual, but choose elements of vision, hearing, touch and smell to boost positive feelings and a happy atmosphere. Certain textures or patterns may make you irritable for example. Choose what you like and what pleases your senses.
The psychology of colour in the home is very important to your sense of wellbeing. I’ve talked about the use of colour in my previous postings, which you can find in the ‘colour me happy’ category.
Psychological comfort depends on being surrounded by things that stimulate your senses in a positive way, together with meaningful objects that give you pleasure. Your surroundings should not be based on fashion, but suit your daily habits and your personality. You might go for wild and wacky, cool and funky, antique bric-a-brac or simply neutral. It doesn’t matter as long as it feels right to you.
By creating a home you’re happy in you will automatically place your own unique stamp on it and it will reflect who you are. It’s far more pleasing to the eye and a lot more interesting than something that looks as though it’s straight out of ‘Homes and Gardens’. It will also feel more comfortable and relaxing and become a place you can retreat to and enjoy.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
BEING INQUISITIVE
‘I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive.’ (Albert Einstein)
The word ‘intellectual’ is usually assumed to mean somebody especially intelligent. In fact your intellect is your ability to understand complex ideas, to learn from your experiences, to be mentally creative and to continually grow. It’s a major part of every person’s life. Being intellectually fulfilled will lead you to feel happier and more satisfied.
Every individual has a different intellect which is challenged by different thoughts and tasks. We have different talents. When we do something that’s intellectually and emotionally satisfying it becomes an achievement. What it is depends entirely on the individual. One person might learn a language or to play a musical instrument. Another might learn to cook or do some DIY. Whatever the task is, achieving things makes us feel good. If we have nothing to keep our thought processes active or nothing to aim for we become unhappy.
Too many of us live in the past, worrying about what we did or said, or what someone else did or said. Others wrestle with the problem of the future and what might happen, or might not happen, or we spend a huge amount of time worrying about why we can’t get what we want. Instead of using all that time and intellectual energy on what we can’t change, we should learn to use it to enjoy living in the present and allowing our lives to unfold.
You can be opportunistic and make plans for the future, and you will learn from past mistakes, but there’s no point in dwelling on the past, or getting despondent if your plans for the future don’t work out the way you hoped. Envision your life as a journey, with many twists and turns, each of which leads you to somewhere new and interesting. If you take a wrong turning, use your intellect to look for a different way to get there. Focus on the excitement of the journey and not on the destination.
I’ve written before about the importance of being creative. You can use your intellect and imagination to be creative about anything you do. Make sure you try out new things, or try doing things in a different way. Often it will lead you to creative discoveries. Being creative exercises your intellect, which makes you a happier more fulfilled person.
Remember that your capacity for intellectual growth is limitless. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, you are always able to study and learn. I don’t necessarily mean going to school or doing a course, but find something that makes you feel interested and stimulates your mind and learn more about it. There’s so much satisfaction to be gained from learning new skills or ways of thinking.
Your intellect will grow if you use it. So:
· Identify your talents and interests and expand them.
· Be observant and absorb knowledge from what happens in the world around you.
· Try to live in the present and enjoy the journey of life.
· Be creative in your thoughts and actions.
· Study and learn about anything that interests you.
· Be inquisitive!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
GETTING OLD
‘When I am an old woman I shall wear purpleWith a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves’
(from a poem by Jenny Joseph)
This poem always reminds me of my grandmother, who was a rebel throughout her life in one way or another and who dealt with old age the same way. I remember taking her out to lunch when she was 86. Her long silver hair was wound up in a granny-type bun and she leaned heavily on a silver-topped walking stick, but everyone who saw her was noticeably cheered at the sight of her smiling face, bright red and orange dress, purple stockings and blue paisley shawl. A fashion plate she was not, but an inspiration to all those about her? Yes, indeed.
Getting older is one of the harder things we have to deal with, even though we know it’s inevitable and a part of being alive. We still fight it with creams and potions, hair dye, manic exercise and anything else the media tells us will work.
The fact is that the people who age gracefully and healthily are mostly those who have accepted the changes of ageing, rather than see them as some sort of crises. Ageing changes everyone. We’re all in the same boat and we should accept that life just does not stay the same. After all, it would become very tedious if it did.
There is no evidence that creams, vitamin supplements or trends such as calorific reduction help you stay younger. Nor do botox, plastic surgery or anti-ageing drugs do any more than briefly stave off what will come to us all eventually. Certainly there are inherited genes which give some people a head start regarding ageing, but we’re all capable of extending our active lives without resorting to artificial means.
Obviously we need to look after ourselves physically, which involves:
Not smoking
A balanced diet
7-8 hours sleep each night
Drinking lots of water
Not overdoing the alcohol
Moisturising your skin
Moderate daily exercise
However, it’s interesting that in studies of Asians who have lived to over a hundred years old, the common factors in their lives appear to be: a mostly vegetarian diet as they get older, some daily exercise, usually in the form of walking and/or stretching exercises (such as tai chi), plenty of laughter, having a positive mental attitude and being regularly occupied in some activity they’re passionate about.
Research has increasingly shown that your emotional wellbeing is fundamental in leading an active healthy life when you’re old. This includes having a good self-image, a good social support, reducing stress and keeping mentally active.
So, keep in touch with friends, don’t vegetate at home watching the TV. Communicate. Go out and about and meet new people. If you have a tendency to get depressed seek help. Don’t obsess about your weight and what you eat. If you’re miserable with your lifestyle, then make changes. Even small changes can have a huge effect on your emotional wellbeing. Try to achieve a healthy balance in your life.
Find ways and make time to relax, or start meditating. Laugh a lot and try to move on from guilt, grief or hurt. Take time out to enjoy simple things and surround yourself with what you like and love.
The old adage ‘use it or lose it’ very much applies here. Keep your brain working. Play games like chess or cards. Do crosswords or sudoku. Use your memory. Learn new things or take up past interests. Above all: be creative. As one man who has lived to be an active hundred-year-old says:
‘The secret of vitality in any human being is the desire to do something creative in life.’
(from a poem by Jenny Joseph)
This poem always reminds me of my grandmother, who was a rebel throughout her life in one way or another and who dealt with old age the same way. I remember taking her out to lunch when she was 86. Her long silver hair was wound up in a granny-type bun and she leaned heavily on a silver-topped walking stick, but everyone who saw her was noticeably cheered at the sight of her smiling face, bright red and orange dress, purple stockings and blue paisley shawl. A fashion plate she was not, but an inspiration to all those about her? Yes, indeed.
Getting older is one of the harder things we have to deal with, even though we know it’s inevitable and a part of being alive. We still fight it with creams and potions, hair dye, manic exercise and anything else the media tells us will work.
The fact is that the people who age gracefully and healthily are mostly those who have accepted the changes of ageing, rather than see them as some sort of crises. Ageing changes everyone. We’re all in the same boat and we should accept that life just does not stay the same. After all, it would become very tedious if it did.
There is no evidence that creams, vitamin supplements or trends such as calorific reduction help you stay younger. Nor do botox, plastic surgery or anti-ageing drugs do any more than briefly stave off what will come to us all eventually. Certainly there are inherited genes which give some people a head start regarding ageing, but we’re all capable of extending our active lives without resorting to artificial means.
Obviously we need to look after ourselves physically, which involves:
Not smoking
A balanced diet
7-8 hours sleep each night
Drinking lots of water
Not overdoing the alcohol
Moisturising your skin
Moderate daily exercise
However, it’s interesting that in studies of Asians who have lived to over a hundred years old, the common factors in their lives appear to be: a mostly vegetarian diet as they get older, some daily exercise, usually in the form of walking and/or stretching exercises (such as tai chi), plenty of laughter, having a positive mental attitude and being regularly occupied in some activity they’re passionate about.
Research has increasingly shown that your emotional wellbeing is fundamental in leading an active healthy life when you’re old. This includes having a good self-image, a good social support, reducing stress and keeping mentally active.
So, keep in touch with friends, don’t vegetate at home watching the TV. Communicate. Go out and about and meet new people. If you have a tendency to get depressed seek help. Don’t obsess about your weight and what you eat. If you’re miserable with your lifestyle, then make changes. Even small changes can have a huge effect on your emotional wellbeing. Try to achieve a healthy balance in your life.
Find ways and make time to relax, or start meditating. Laugh a lot and try to move on from guilt, grief or hurt. Take time out to enjoy simple things and surround yourself with what you like and love.
The old adage ‘use it or lose it’ very much applies here. Keep your brain working. Play games like chess or cards. Do crosswords or sudoku. Use your memory. Learn new things or take up past interests. Above all: be creative. As one man who has lived to be an active hundred-year-old says:
‘The secret of vitality in any human being is the desire to do something creative in life.’
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
LIFE/WORK
If your job scores low on your scale of satisfaction then you need to make some changes. This might be improving the job you’re in, changing direction a little, changing careers entirely, or getting a better balance between your life and your work.
IMPROVING YOUR JOB
If you enjoy the environment you work in but feel bored or unappreciated, then it’s time to improve things. Start by evaluating yourself. Write down your unique qualities, your strengths, work style and expertise. Ask yourself where you’re under utilised in your job. Then see if there are ways you can improve in certain areas. Perhaps you could do a computer course or something similar to improve your skills, or learn another language. Gain extra experience by voluntary work or part-time work at weekends. Do some extra studies. Perhaps you have ideas on how your work could be made more interesting. Once you are clear about how your job could be improved approach the person in charge. People are surprisingly ready to listen if you tell them you want to do more or do extra, especially if you’re already a valued employee.
BRANCHING OUT
Sometimes it’s impossible to move forwards or sideways in a job and you may have come to the end of the road in that particular environment. Alternatively you may not get on with your boss or colleagues, even though you like what you do. Remember there are other jobs doing the same sort of thing, or you might even decide to become self-employed. Go out and start looking. Do your research carefully.
Find out what other jobs in your field are available. Are many of them advertised or do you need to network to find them? What qualifications are they asking for and do you have them? Is the pay better or worse? If necessary update or upgrade your skills. Get well prepared before seeking out another position. Get help writing your cv and covering letter if you’re not confident about doing it yourself. Plan answers to questions for interviews. Have a clear idea of what you want and why. Once you’re completely ready, go out there and apply. Don’t give up, even if it takes a while to find the right job.
If self-employment appeals to you then find out everything you can about the competition, about marketing, about costs. Do your research thoroughly. Seek expert advice if necessary. Do you want to work alone or with a partner? Think about whether or not you have the right personality. You’ll need to be organised, motivated and dedicated and, above all, confident in your service or product.
A COMPLETE CHANGE
Many of us find ourselves trapped in a career we’ve realised doesn’t suit us. This is often because we’ve gone into that field when very young not realising quite what it entailed, or because there have been changes over a period of time, in us or the work environment, that have made us feel differently about the job .
Whatever the reason, there’s no point staying there if you’re dissatisfied or depressed. It is possible to make a complete career change at any time in your life. Of course, the most important thing is to identify what you really want to be doing and sometimes this is the hardest part. If you already know exactly what you want to do then miss out the next paragraph!
Okay, you need to do a bit of brainstorming. We all have themes that run through our lives. List all the things you’ve done where you’ve achieved well, won prizes, been praised. These may be sports, school subjects or hobbies. Try to identify what has given you the most satisfaction in your life now and in the past. Don’t think about jobs you can do, but about what you enjoy. What do other people come to you for? Are you a leader, a follower, an advisor, an organiser, an innovator? What can you bring from past jobs into a new career?
Once you have some idea of what kind of career would suit you, you need to research. Arrange to meet and talk to anyone working in that field. Find out everything you can about it on the internet. Do you need extra qualifications? If so, where can you study and can you do it in your spare time? Is there any way you can get some experience in the meantime? Give yourself a period of time to get ready. This may be one year or three years or just a few months. Set yourself a goal and go all out to achieve it. It’s never too late to make a change.
LIFE/WORK BALANCE
This is the most common problem people have with their jobs. Somewhere along the line work has taken over your life and this leads to stress and ill-health. Work invades our personal lives mainly when we are working longer hours than we should. This may happen because we’re self-employed and daren’t or can’t switch off, or because we have the technology to work anywhere at any time, or because we want to climb the career ladder or earn more money so we put in overtime.
Remind yourself that you’ll be able to do none of these things if you’re ill. To remain healthy you need a balance in your life. There’s no point reaching the top of your profession if you’re too ill to maintain it, or earning lots of money if you’re too ill to enjoy it. Life is more than work and it’s important that you make time for other things in your life.
Try to manage your time better. Start by making a log of your activities, both in and outside work, for a week. This will give you a clearer idea of where your time goes and how you could make some changes. Is it possible to rearrange some schedules at work so that you’re able to spend less time there? Could you arrange to work late two days a week in return for finishing early once a week, or something similar? Can you organise your household more efficiently, getting support or help if necessary from cleaners, nannies, gardeners, family and friends? Try to organise your weekdays so that you can fit a few chores in, freeing up more time on your day off.
Learn to let go of what’s not important. Does it really matter if your home isn’t spotlessly clean at all times? Is it more important to spend time with your children or clean out the garage? Try not to be perfectionist about every aspect of your life.
Nurture yourself. Make sure you spend at least half an hour a day doing something for yourself, even if it’s during your lunch time: read a book, listen to music, go for a walk or to the gym, meditate or play games on the computer. Set aside one evening a week to do something you enjoy, either alone or with family and friends. Go out to eat, watch a film, write, paint, go canoeing or swimming or play golf. Ensure you have a day off once a week and don’t use it all to do your chores.
Remember that you don’t have to do everything. Decide what your priorities are and what you can and can’t do. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t do it all. Set yourself boundaries and stick to them so that you have a healthier and happier lifestyle.
IMPROVING YOUR JOB
If you enjoy the environment you work in but feel bored or unappreciated, then it’s time to improve things. Start by evaluating yourself. Write down your unique qualities, your strengths, work style and expertise. Ask yourself where you’re under utilised in your job. Then see if there are ways you can improve in certain areas. Perhaps you could do a computer course or something similar to improve your skills, or learn another language. Gain extra experience by voluntary work or part-time work at weekends. Do some extra studies. Perhaps you have ideas on how your work could be made more interesting. Once you are clear about how your job could be improved approach the person in charge. People are surprisingly ready to listen if you tell them you want to do more or do extra, especially if you’re already a valued employee.
BRANCHING OUT
Sometimes it’s impossible to move forwards or sideways in a job and you may have come to the end of the road in that particular environment. Alternatively you may not get on with your boss or colleagues, even though you like what you do. Remember there are other jobs doing the same sort of thing, or you might even decide to become self-employed. Go out and start looking. Do your research carefully.
Find out what other jobs in your field are available. Are many of them advertised or do you need to network to find them? What qualifications are they asking for and do you have them? Is the pay better or worse? If necessary update or upgrade your skills. Get well prepared before seeking out another position. Get help writing your cv and covering letter if you’re not confident about doing it yourself. Plan answers to questions for interviews. Have a clear idea of what you want and why. Once you’re completely ready, go out there and apply. Don’t give up, even if it takes a while to find the right job.
If self-employment appeals to you then find out everything you can about the competition, about marketing, about costs. Do your research thoroughly. Seek expert advice if necessary. Do you want to work alone or with a partner? Think about whether or not you have the right personality. You’ll need to be organised, motivated and dedicated and, above all, confident in your service or product.
A COMPLETE CHANGE
Many of us find ourselves trapped in a career we’ve realised doesn’t suit us. This is often because we’ve gone into that field when very young not realising quite what it entailed, or because there have been changes over a period of time, in us or the work environment, that have made us feel differently about the job .
Whatever the reason, there’s no point staying there if you’re dissatisfied or depressed. It is possible to make a complete career change at any time in your life. Of course, the most important thing is to identify what you really want to be doing and sometimes this is the hardest part. If you already know exactly what you want to do then miss out the next paragraph!
Okay, you need to do a bit of brainstorming. We all have themes that run through our lives. List all the things you’ve done where you’ve achieved well, won prizes, been praised. These may be sports, school subjects or hobbies. Try to identify what has given you the most satisfaction in your life now and in the past. Don’t think about jobs you can do, but about what you enjoy. What do other people come to you for? Are you a leader, a follower, an advisor, an organiser, an innovator? What can you bring from past jobs into a new career?
Once you have some idea of what kind of career would suit you, you need to research. Arrange to meet and talk to anyone working in that field. Find out everything you can about it on the internet. Do you need extra qualifications? If so, where can you study and can you do it in your spare time? Is there any way you can get some experience in the meantime? Give yourself a period of time to get ready. This may be one year or three years or just a few months. Set yourself a goal and go all out to achieve it. It’s never too late to make a change.
LIFE/WORK BALANCE
This is the most common problem people have with their jobs. Somewhere along the line work has taken over your life and this leads to stress and ill-health. Work invades our personal lives mainly when we are working longer hours than we should. This may happen because we’re self-employed and daren’t or can’t switch off, or because we have the technology to work anywhere at any time, or because we want to climb the career ladder or earn more money so we put in overtime.
Remind yourself that you’ll be able to do none of these things if you’re ill. To remain healthy you need a balance in your life. There’s no point reaching the top of your profession if you’re too ill to maintain it, or earning lots of money if you’re too ill to enjoy it. Life is more than work and it’s important that you make time for other things in your life.
Try to manage your time better. Start by making a log of your activities, both in and outside work, for a week. This will give you a clearer idea of where your time goes and how you could make some changes. Is it possible to rearrange some schedules at work so that you’re able to spend less time there? Could you arrange to work late two days a week in return for finishing early once a week, or something similar? Can you organise your household more efficiently, getting support or help if necessary from cleaners, nannies, gardeners, family and friends? Try to organise your weekdays so that you can fit a few chores in, freeing up more time on your day off.
Learn to let go of what’s not important. Does it really matter if your home isn’t spotlessly clean at all times? Is it more important to spend time with your children or clean out the garage? Try not to be perfectionist about every aspect of your life.
Nurture yourself. Make sure you spend at least half an hour a day doing something for yourself, even if it’s during your lunch time: read a book, listen to music, go for a walk or to the gym, meditate or play games on the computer. Set aside one evening a week to do something you enjoy, either alone or with family and friends. Go out to eat, watch a film, write, paint, go canoeing or swimming or play golf. Ensure you have a day off once a week and don’t use it all to do your chores.
Remember that you don’t have to do everything. Decide what your priorities are and what you can and can’t do. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t do it all. Set yourself boundaries and stick to them so that you have a healthier and happier lifestyle.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
LAUGHTER MEDICINE
It amazes me how researchers are gradually finding that there’s a huge amount of truth in old wives tales and sayings. ‘Laughter is the best medicine’ is a classic. Are you aware just how seriously laughter is being taken nowadays?
Scientists believe that laughter came before speech in our evolution and certainly in child development a baby will be laughing before it talks. Laughter may originally have been a shared relief after the passing of danger. Children find it easy to play and laugh, but as we grow into adults we’re so overwhelmed by busyness and ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that we lose that spontaneous ability, which is a shame, because it’s one of the healthiest things you can do.
Did you know that laughing 100 times is the equivalent of 15 minutes on an exercise bike? Laughter works out your diaphragm and your abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles. It also lowers blood pressure and helps strengthen your immune system. That’s the physical side.
Mentally it’s magic! It alleviates stress, disperses depression, strengthens human bonds and relieves anger and anxiety. In fact, a lack of humour (often owing to low self-esteem) will slow your thought processes down, making you more prone to anxiety, stress and depression.
Humour in the workplace is fundamental in order to create cooperation, trust, team spirit, good morale and communication. Those few minutes of banter or telling jokes does everyone a power of good. If you’re a boss try to make sure you inject humour into situations and encourage others to do likewise. When people laugh together they work better together.
If you work in a humourless place, then try to log on to a joke website or something similar for five minutes during the day, or take a comedy book with you and read it at lunchtime.
Laughter is brilliant for diffusing situations. A light-hearted remark in the middle of a difficult problem relieves tension. If someone is angry and you can manage to make them laugh the anger fades. If you’re telling your children off or having a row with a teenager, humour goes a long way towards getting your point across.
I know a lot of this seems obvious, but far too many of us lead lives with an inadequate amount of laughter, which is very, very sad. It leads to ill-health, rage and unnecessary stress. Make up your mind to inject lots of laughter into your life. Even smiling and chuckling a lot will help. Read funny stories and jokes or, even better, tell funny stories and jokes. Watch comedy DVDs and sitcoms or listen to comedy CDs, read funny books and most of all find funny people to spend your time with. Develop your own sense of humour by trying to see the absurdity in events around you. Once you start looking you’ll find yourself laughing at situations all over the place instead of becoming irritable and you’ll find that other people start laughing with you.
My personal favourite is stand up comics and the ones that make me laugh the most are without doubt Eddie Izzard (a genius!), Alan Davies and Lee Evans. Give them a try and see if they make you laugh and let me know what makes you laugh too!
Scientists believe that laughter came before speech in our evolution and certainly in child development a baby will be laughing before it talks. Laughter may originally have been a shared relief after the passing of danger. Children find it easy to play and laugh, but as we grow into adults we’re so overwhelmed by busyness and ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that we lose that spontaneous ability, which is a shame, because it’s one of the healthiest things you can do.
Did you know that laughing 100 times is the equivalent of 15 minutes on an exercise bike? Laughter works out your diaphragm and your abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles. It also lowers blood pressure and helps strengthen your immune system. That’s the physical side.
Mentally it’s magic! It alleviates stress, disperses depression, strengthens human bonds and relieves anger and anxiety. In fact, a lack of humour (often owing to low self-esteem) will slow your thought processes down, making you more prone to anxiety, stress and depression.
Humour in the workplace is fundamental in order to create cooperation, trust, team spirit, good morale and communication. Those few minutes of banter or telling jokes does everyone a power of good. If you’re a boss try to make sure you inject humour into situations and encourage others to do likewise. When people laugh together they work better together.
If you work in a humourless place, then try to log on to a joke website or something similar for five minutes during the day, or take a comedy book with you and read it at lunchtime.
Laughter is brilliant for diffusing situations. A light-hearted remark in the middle of a difficult problem relieves tension. If someone is angry and you can manage to make them laugh the anger fades. If you’re telling your children off or having a row with a teenager, humour goes a long way towards getting your point across.
I know a lot of this seems obvious, but far too many of us lead lives with an inadequate amount of laughter, which is very, very sad. It leads to ill-health, rage and unnecessary stress. Make up your mind to inject lots of laughter into your life. Even smiling and chuckling a lot will help. Read funny stories and jokes or, even better, tell funny stories and jokes. Watch comedy DVDs and sitcoms or listen to comedy CDs, read funny books and most of all find funny people to spend your time with. Develop your own sense of humour by trying to see the absurdity in events around you. Once you start looking you’ll find yourself laughing at situations all over the place instead of becoming irritable and you’ll find that other people start laughing with you.
My personal favourite is stand up comics and the ones that make me laugh the most are without doubt Eddie Izzard (a genius!), Alan Davies and Lee Evans. Give them a try and see if they make you laugh and let me know what makes you laugh too!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
CHANGE YOUR MIND
We’ve all heard the ‘is the glass half-full or half-empty?’ question. It’s a way of asking if you’re an optimist or a pessimist. Optimists tend to regard the world as a positive place. They believe that everything works out for the best in the end while pessimists seem to make their lives unnecessarily miserable by always assuming the worst.
Human beings have delved into discussions on human happiness since ancient times, although, until fairly recently, philosophers and researchers have focused more on what stops us being happy rather than what positively makes us happy. It’s interesting that in the last thirty years of the 20th century journals published 46,000 psychological papers on depression, but only 400 on joy. This has changed and there are now far more studies into mental ‘wellness’ as opposed to mental illness.
Martin Seligman, a well-known researcher in this field (and author of Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life) has explored why optimists are happier than pessimists and discovered that the main difference is the way they explain setbacks to themselves. It’s how we speak to ourselves inwardly that influences our attitudes. Optimists think of bad things happening as temporary problems that are not their fault and look for ways to move on from them. Pessimists see the bad things as permanent, their own fault and far-reaching.
What’s interesting is that optimists, despite being seen as reckless by some pessimists, are generally more successful. Optimism improves your health, while pessimism undermines it. In fact both of these states of mind are self-fulfilling prophecies because if you’re a pessimist you’re bound to feel defeated by what happens to you. If you’re an optimist you’ll tend to look for a way to overcome the problem.
Fortunately optimism can be learned! The glass can be half-full or half-empty, but you’ll be happier, healthier and more successful if you think of it as half-full. Start to talk to yourself more positively. Instead of calling yourself ‘stupid’ when you make a mistake try to say ‘Well, I learned from that mistake’. Instead of saying ‘I can’t’ try saying ‘I can’t at the moment’. Instead of seeing things that you do as right or wrong, see them as learning processes. Some basic changes in the vocabulary you use when listening to your inner voice makes enormous changes in the way you think about events around you.
Once you realise how much the way you think affects the way you tackle life, you can start to make changes to those thoughts and become a lot more optimistic. We’re not perfect. We all make mistakes so don’t keep blaming yourself. Unexpected problems happen and they help us grow as we deal with them. If you start to see life that way you’ll feel much better emotionally and you’ll be happier and healthier. It may take a while. Changing the way your mind works is almost as hard as changing your body, but it can certainly be done and it’s worth the effort.
(If you want to do a quick test to see whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist, then check out www.spiritualityhealth.com/cgi/optimism)
Human beings have delved into discussions on human happiness since ancient times, although, until fairly recently, philosophers and researchers have focused more on what stops us being happy rather than what positively makes us happy. It’s interesting that in the last thirty years of the 20th century journals published 46,000 psychological papers on depression, but only 400 on joy. This has changed and there are now far more studies into mental ‘wellness’ as opposed to mental illness.
Martin Seligman, a well-known researcher in this field (and author of Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life) has explored why optimists are happier than pessimists and discovered that the main difference is the way they explain setbacks to themselves. It’s how we speak to ourselves inwardly that influences our attitudes. Optimists think of bad things happening as temporary problems that are not their fault and look for ways to move on from them. Pessimists see the bad things as permanent, their own fault and far-reaching.
What’s interesting is that optimists, despite being seen as reckless by some pessimists, are generally more successful. Optimism improves your health, while pessimism undermines it. In fact both of these states of mind are self-fulfilling prophecies because if you’re a pessimist you’re bound to feel defeated by what happens to you. If you’re an optimist you’ll tend to look for a way to overcome the problem.
Fortunately optimism can be learned! The glass can be half-full or half-empty, but you’ll be happier, healthier and more successful if you think of it as half-full. Start to talk to yourself more positively. Instead of calling yourself ‘stupid’ when you make a mistake try to say ‘Well, I learned from that mistake’. Instead of saying ‘I can’t’ try saying ‘I can’t at the moment’. Instead of seeing things that you do as right or wrong, see them as learning processes. Some basic changes in the vocabulary you use when listening to your inner voice makes enormous changes in the way you think about events around you.
Once you realise how much the way you think affects the way you tackle life, you can start to make changes to those thoughts and become a lot more optimistic. We’re not perfect. We all make mistakes so don’t keep blaming yourself. Unexpected problems happen and they help us grow as we deal with them. If you start to see life that way you’ll feel much better emotionally and you’ll be happier and healthier. It may take a while. Changing the way your mind works is almost as hard as changing your body, but it can certainly be done and it’s worth the effort.
(If you want to do a quick test to see whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist, then check out www.spiritualityhealth.com/cgi/optimism)
Friday, July 6, 2007
BLACK AND WHITE
Although black really absorbs all colour and white reflects all colour we still think of them both as colours and they have a psychological effect on us.
WHITE
‘The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow’.
White gives us a sense of space and freedom, although an excess amount of it can also be cold and isolating. It’s good for lessening shock or despair. Use it when you want to reflect on things without making any decisions
White gives us clarity, peace and comfort and you’ll be attracted to white if you have a need to reconnect with your inner self. It’s associated with a higher consciousness and spirituality and is wonderfully cleansing.
If you like the colour you probably want to simplify your life and to escape from outside pressures. You may be in a transitional phase in your life. If you dislike it you need to make more time to think and may want to move on from something emotional.
The right amount of white will leave you well-balanced, optimistic and living according to your inner beliefs. It’s great for getting rid of negative feelings. However, avoid it if you’re lonely or if you need to participate and make decisions. Remember that warm shades of white are better for you than cold.
BLACK
‘The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice’.
Traditionally it’s a colour associated with authority, power, death and mystery. However, it’s also protective, sophisticated and inspires self-confidence and strength. It’s a passive colour and too much of it will prevent you growing and changing. It’s not good if you’re feeling a lack of self-worth.
If you like it then you’re probably strong-willed, opinionated and disciplined. Be careful though, because you may be inflexible and too independent. Black is often used to hide behind while someone is working out their true identity, which is why it’s so popular with young people. If you don’t like it you probably want control and are seeking personal power.
Black is a good colour to use if you don’t want to be influenced by other people, or if you want to be self-sufficient and in control. Ideally you should add small amounts of other strong colours with black. In clothing this could be jewellery, a scarf or tie, or underwear and in décor it might be a bright piece of fabric, a rug or vase. They will counterbalance the negativity you may absorb from too much black.
GREY
‘All cats are grey in the dark’. (Thomas Lodge)
Grey is associated with independence, self-control and self-reliance. However, it’s also a colour that denotes evasion and non-commitment. People who use a lot of grey may want to remain aloof and uninvolved, but this can lead to loneliness and self-criticism if you don’t balance yourself with other colours.
If you love the colour you’re very much an individual and if you dislike it you probably need support from family and friends.
Remember to rest and relax and boost your energy, otherwise you may find yourself drained and passive. Like black, this is a colour best used along with amounts of other brighter colours.
WHITE
‘The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow’.
White gives us a sense of space and freedom, although an excess amount of it can also be cold and isolating. It’s good for lessening shock or despair. Use it when you want to reflect on things without making any decisions
White gives us clarity, peace and comfort and you’ll be attracted to white if you have a need to reconnect with your inner self. It’s associated with a higher consciousness and spirituality and is wonderfully cleansing.
If you like the colour you probably want to simplify your life and to escape from outside pressures. You may be in a transitional phase in your life. If you dislike it you need to make more time to think and may want to move on from something emotional.
The right amount of white will leave you well-balanced, optimistic and living according to your inner beliefs. It’s great for getting rid of negative feelings. However, avoid it if you’re lonely or if you need to participate and make decisions. Remember that warm shades of white are better for you than cold.
BLACK
‘The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice’.
Traditionally it’s a colour associated with authority, power, death and mystery. However, it’s also protective, sophisticated and inspires self-confidence and strength. It’s a passive colour and too much of it will prevent you growing and changing. It’s not good if you’re feeling a lack of self-worth.
If you like it then you’re probably strong-willed, opinionated and disciplined. Be careful though, because you may be inflexible and too independent. Black is often used to hide behind while someone is working out their true identity, which is why it’s so popular with young people. If you don’t like it you probably want control and are seeking personal power.
Black is a good colour to use if you don’t want to be influenced by other people, or if you want to be self-sufficient and in control. Ideally you should add small amounts of other strong colours with black. In clothing this could be jewellery, a scarf or tie, or underwear and in décor it might be a bright piece of fabric, a rug or vase. They will counterbalance the negativity you may absorb from too much black.
GREY
‘All cats are grey in the dark’. (Thomas Lodge)
Grey is associated with independence, self-control and self-reliance. However, it’s also a colour that denotes evasion and non-commitment. People who use a lot of grey may want to remain aloof and uninvolved, but this can lead to loneliness and self-criticism if you don’t balance yourself with other colours.
If you love the colour you’re very much an individual and if you dislike it you probably need support from family and friends.
Remember to rest and relax and boost your energy, otherwise you may find yourself drained and passive. Like black, this is a colour best used along with amounts of other brighter colours.
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